2013 in Review: Quotes Part 1

As you may or may not know, the year 2013 recently ended. For me, 2013 was a year where I wrote stuff down. And now the stuff I wrote down I will put on this blog. It may seem like a tremendous waste of time and space, but Zuuko almost never posts anything anyway (and remember the time we thought other people would want to contribute? Ha!), so I feel like I can do as I see fit. First up, here are some quotes I read or heard and felt were worth writing down.

“It was utterly hopeless the East Hampton seagulls are complete morons” Metropolitan

“Just your everyday grouping of civilized gentlemen, sitting in a round robin to discuss the events of the day with quivering erections” Patrick DeWitt, The Sisters Brothers

“Said Hamlet to Ophelia
I’ll make a sketch of thee
What kind of pencil should I use
2B or not 2B?”
Spike Milligan

“—Sex seems complicated and confusing, but it’s really very simple. A man takes his penis, and he puts it into the woman’s vagina. He ejaculates. And she dies.
—She dies??!?
—Oh wait, no, I was thinking of something else”
—Louis CK’s therapist and Louis CK on Louie

“I am not now writing a treatise, but simply prefacing a somewhat peculiar narrative by observations very much at random” —E.A. Poe, Murders in the Rue Morgue

“‘Tis vain to be angered with things, they care not a rap for our wrath” —Plutarch quoted by Montaigne

“These are the true names of the places — but why it has been thought necessary to name them at all, is more than either you or I can understand” —E.A. Poe, Descent into the Maelstrom

“Удовольствие от каждой вещи можно получить дважды: сначала приобретая ее, а затем от нее отказываясь.” … “Было бы честно, если бы слепые были невидимыми.” … “Путешествуют, в частности, для того, чтобы подумать о тех, кто остался дома.” … “Дорожные знаки бывают и на неправильном пути.” … “Ювелирное дело — рудимент утраченного культа насекомых.” … “Люди делятся на тех, кому смотришь вслед после того, как распрощаешься, и на всех остальных.” … “Протянул руку, так погладь кошку.” … “Личность рождается из опасений, что другие узнают о тебе слишком много.”
—И.Ю. Телеги и гномы

“There is something about a martini
A tingle remarkably pleasant
A yellow, a mellow martini
I wish that I had one at present
There us something about a martini
Ere the dining and dancing begin
And to tell you the truth
It is not the vermouth
I think that perhaps it’s the gin”
—Ogden Nash

“What to the partial vision of the living appears as the act of a fiend, is perceived by the wider insight of the dead to be an aspect of cosmic justice” —E.R. Dodds quoted by Alice Munro in Runaway

“Can you pretend I didn’t say anything that I’ve said so far?” —Louis CK on Louie

“Live as long as you can, you shall by nothing shorten the time you are to be dead” —Montaigne Essais XX

“He watched the scene and thought of life; and (as always happenned when he thought of life) he became sad.” —James Joyce A Little Cloud

“It’s well and good to say grand words about the wavefunction of the universe, but if you can’t calculate it, you should go home” —Prof. Alex Maloney explains why we should all be at home right now.

“Playing a game of basketball, no matter how well one plays, is not doing science” —Peter Godfrey-Smith Theory and Reality

“In the 1930’s, the US appraisal industry opposed the “mixing” of the races, which it believed would cause ‘the decline of both the human race and of property calues'” —Beryl Satter quoted by Ta-Nehisi Coates

“Ну чего уж ты такого сделал? Переел грибов, в психозе напал на подружку, попал в дурку. С кем не бывает?” —Шура Буртин в интервью с Федей Чистяковым

“Uttering a peculiar but scientific warcry…” —J.G. Farrell, The Siege of Krishnapur

“If you stage a walrus hunt, it still involves hunting a walrus, and the walrus hasn’t seen the script” —Roger Ebert comments on Nanook of the North

“About a year ago, I started seeing these ads in the paper for ‘Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation’ — first it was a little ad. The next week it was twice as big. And after a month, it was a full page — it just took over. Something in that triggered a bunch of associations and projections. Like, what kind of activities do you have to engage in to get to the point where you need to bring a laser into the equation? The new album exists in that realm” —Beck explains Midnite Vultures

“And there’s one city in the world, and then there are all other cities” —Itzik Kornfein, interviewed by Amos Barshad, on Jerusalem

“…а чтобы нам легче запомнить было, в ней и слова такие же, как в той песне, про которую ты говоришь, и музыка” —Виктор Пелевин Чапаев и Пустота (yes, I know he’s ripping off Borges here, it’s still cool)

“Sex is a mystery, but when it works, it reminds us of what Raymond Chandler said: the ideal mystery is one you would read if the end was missing” —Playboy Advisor quoted by Jon Zobenica

“I might have been born yesterday, sir, but I stayed up all night” —El-P Up All Night

“Еще хорошо сидеть в тюрьме, но не в нашей, не сейчас, и не за преступление” —Гришковец Рубашка

“Люди ругаются на полную, а мирятся наполовину” —Шишкин Письмовник

“Now there’s a coincidence. Course hundreds of times you think of a person and don’t meet him” —Joyce Ulysses

“The mouse wasn’t going in the wrong direction so much as it was walking cat food the entire time. A graduate career is just like this, only worse, because ‘A Little Fable’ lasts three sentences and is made up, while graduate school lasts at least six years and will ruin your life in a very real way” —Rebecca Schuman on Kafka’s A Little Fable

“A man goes to the movies. The critic must be honest enough to admit he is that man” —Robert Warshow

“…because it would look clever. We rely on never looking clever” —Cordwainer Smith The Planet Buyer

“More realistically, though, if a burrito was to materialize at my desk, I would want it to be a La Taqueria burrito” —Matt Yglesias wins the Matt Yglesias realism award

“Basically the difference between a mantis and a teddy bear is everything” —Ze Frank

“Порой бывает такое слово, которое нуждается в том, чтобы вокруг него царила полнейшая тишина” —Амос Оз Повесть о любви и тьме

“Если бы автор только повествовал для читателя, ему было бы просто скучно, а скучая — что напишешь?” — Битов Уроки Армении

“Слон и слон. Смотришь больше на прислужника, что сидит тут же, то ли следит, чтобы слону не давали совсем уж несъедобную дрянь, то ли просто для сравнения” —Битов в зоопарке в Выборе натуры

“At this twilight hour our world is made up of circles within circles. On the outside is the circle of autumn darkness, far from here, in the mountains and the great deserts…” —Amos Oz Where the Jackals Howl

“Хасан никому ничего не умел прощать, как некоторые не умеют плавать или ездить на велосипеде” … “”Внимательно наблюдая за вещами, мы можем сказать, что в мире нет даже двух различных вещей” — процитировал Жохов кого-то из дзенских мудрецов, когда в магазине решали, какую водку взять” —Леонид Юзефович Журавли и карлики

“In answer to the question of why it happened, I offer the modest proposal that our universe is simply one of those things which happen from time to time” —Edward Tryon quoted in Bill Bryson’s A Short History of Nearly Everything

“If I were told that I had to spend decades being a furry growth on a rock in the woods, I believe I would lose the will to go on. Lichens don’t.” … “[W]e understand what no more than about 2% of them do. (Others put the figure at more like 50%; it depends, apparently, on what you mean by ‘understand.’)” —Bryson A Short History of Nearly Everything

“Trying to follow it is akin to trying to pick out love triangles out of a giant orgy” —VJ comments on Israeli politics

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3 Responses to 2013 in Review: Quotes Part 1

  1. Pingback: 2013 in Review: Quotes Part 2 | Rated Zed

  2. Pingback: 2014 in Review: Quotes Part 1 | Rated Zed

  3. Pingback: 2015 in Review: Quotes Part 1 | Rated Zed

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