The moment the Canucks lose the game is merely unpleasant. It’s everything afterwards that’s the worst. First, the winning goal is shown in infinite replay. The stupid fucking sharks fans with their stupid fucking paper jaws are happy and I can’t stand it. I leave the bar and I see my bus pass by right as I am about to get to the stop. The next two buses by the schedule don’t even bother arriving and my phone’s battery dies right as I’m phoning the next bus lookup. By the time a bus actually comes, 45 minutes later, I feel like screaming at the bus driver what’s your problem, man! Except of course it’s not his fault and so I can’t even do that. I come home and the milk in my fridge has spoiled and my phone is still dead and my computer keyboard doesn’t work properly and I tripped on the stairs and hit my shin and a bird almost shat on me. Or the server brings the bill and I’m confused as to what I ordered so I end up tipping with either 6% or 36% or something and then I take the bike home and of course I forgot my lights and some asshole in a car cuts me off and then yells at me for not having lights on and it’s even worse cause he’s right, and my chain pops off and I have to reattach it and get my hands all greasy and I arrive too late and the Fred Meyer just closed, and when I get home my bed isn’t made and my house is full of dust and I’ve got no food for dinner and my prof told me I’m not going to graduate as soon as I was hoping to, and none of this is important and all of it is stupid, and it’s all because of some dumb hockey game.
And it doesn’t matter that the Canucks outplayed the Sharks for half of game 1, most of game 3, and all of games 2 and 4. It doesn’t matter that the Canucks go-ahead goal was beautiful. It doesn’t matter that there’s still next year. Blow the whole thing up. Fire Vigneault, fire Gillis, trade Luongo, send Schneider to the minors, give the Sedins to Boston for a 2nd round draft pick in 2017, fire Aquilini, move the team to Memphis, take up lacrosse.
It’s fine people, I’ll be okay in a couple of hours.