If you’ve ever been to NHL.com, you know that they title all their reports and videos with huge-stretch puns that are both wonderful and terrible. For instance, this video of a glove save by J.S. Giguère was titled “J.S., I Glove You.” You both groaned and laughed, right? In homage, and to give the NHL.com people some ideas, I’ve decided to give the entire Canucks lineup the NHL.com headline writers treatment. Enjoy.
(1) Luongo time no see: Netminder attempts blind save
(2) We are not Hamhuis-ed: league hands suspension for Dan’s hit
(3) Bieksa-lent: Canucks defenseman shares (meat-free) recipe for success
(4) Ballar-ina: unlikely spinorama move as Coach Vigneault goes with another surprise shootout pick
(6) Salo or the 120 days of torn ACL: a retrospective of all the various injuries Sami has suffered
(7) With Booth Hands: Canucks forward scores on the forehand…and the backhand!
(9) Hedge-Hodgson: Like a certain insectivorous mammal, Cody Hodgson curls up into a ball when attacked
(10) You’re under Ar-reskovich!: Victor O. in trouble with the law
(14) Something Burrows, Something Blue: Alex attempts a shot from the blue line
(17) Kesler the Wrestler: Ryan Kesler fights …
(20) A noble spirit em-Higgins an average-sized man: Chris Higgins’ charity work makes Canucks proud
(21) Raymond your parade: #21’s last-second goal sends game into overtime
(22) & (33) Mid-size family Sedin: they’re not quite at the Sutter level in terms of quantity…
(23) Edler statesman: is Alex considering a run for office back in Sweden?
(27) Malhotra vez!: Manny having unbelievable season
(29) Wherever you may Rome: watch what happens when Canucks D-man makes an Aaron-t pass in the neutral zone
(32) Dom Dale-Wiese: I had to look up who Dom DeLuise was, but it still didn’t help this pun make sense
(33) & (22) Sed-in Stone: Henrik and Daniel ink 20 year contract extensions
(34) Bitz in pieces: Byron Bitz gets absolutely destroyed in fight
(35) The amazing Schneider-man: one goalie overcomes adversity
(36) Hansen-itizer: a profile of the squeaky clean, skilled forward.
(40) Maxim-um Lap-dancing: I wonder what that would be, actually…
(41) Alberts and Victorious!: new hero for Vancouver in OT winner
(52) Pass the Alka-Sulzer: the Canucks are feeling queasy after repeated defensive breakdowns